Journal 34

Describing my self- that is something that would be difficult for me since I am not sure of the answer.  I often lose myself in thinking about who I am and who I want to be, but I am left with only a load of questions in return.  Still, I will try.  I am a Christian and I enjoy helping others where I am able and going to my church and youth group.  Just because someone is a Christian does not mean, however, that he or she is a perfect person.  I am by no means perfect, and no one is.  I try to do the right thing but often fall short.  It never ceases to astonish me how God can still love me despite my constant mistakes; this will forever be incomprehensible for me.  I have made so many mistakes that I wish that I could go back and fix.  I often feel guilty about something that I have done and I may skip church one week because I feel that not only have I gone to far to be forgiven, but I don't want to be forgiven because it is not what I deserve.  As far as personality is concerned, I am much more relaxed when I am alone and listening to music.  I am quiet and shy except around the few that I am close to.  I value qualities such as honesty, loyalty, and self-denial to help someone else.  I admire people who put others above themselves.  I also believe in second-chances.  Everyone makes mistakes from time to time and needs to be forgiven.  The people that are able to freely offer forgiveness are also role models for me.  This is something that is very hard to do, especially if the person really hurt you, whether physically or emotionally.  Most of all, I admire those who are willing to lose everything, even their own lives, for a just cause they believe in.  And so, this is the closest that I can come to describing my self in a blog post.