Someone I Miss . . .

Ever since second grade, I have been friends with a girl named Samantha.  We were best friends.  Samantha and had similar personalities and likes.  We also shared a common birthday.  Each year we would celebrate our birthdays together.    I cannot describe in words how well we got along together; sometimes it felt as if we could read each other’s mind.  We did practically everything together.  She would never dream of going shopping without me and I would always be there cheering her on at her soccer and volleyball games. We also would come over to each other’s house quite often.  Last year, Samantha and I decided that we would go roller skating for our birthday.  We planned on the rendezvous being at 5:00.  I arrived at 5:10.  I thought for sure that Samantha would have arrived already and be waiting for me since she knows that I have a habit of being late.  However, when I arrived, she wasn't there.  I actually waited about 15 more minutes before I called her.  Perhaps, I thought, she ran into some really bad traffic, got lost on the interstate, or something like that.  When I called, no one answered.  I waited another 40 or so minutes before I finally headed back home.  It wasn't until later that evening that I was informed she had died after getting hit by a drunk driver going 85 miles per hour on the interstate.  

This was the most difficult time in my life.  When Samantha died I felt like I died too since our lives were so interwoven.  I felt depressed for a long time.  I wished that I would have been a better friend, that I wouldn't have suggested that we go skating that night, and that it would have been me who had gotten hit.  I did not know what my life was without her.  I no longer knew my identity.  I would try to find some way to punish myself and to make the pain that I felt on the inside reflect on the outside.  One night, I was considering suicide.  My mom came in and offered to take me to church with her.  I thought, “Why not”.  Usually, Samantha and I would go together, but I stopped going after she passed away.  I wasn't expecting it, but the sermon comforted me.  Ironically, it discussed just what I needed to hear.  The pastor talked about forgiveness and life in Heaven.  It was the story of one of the men who was being crucified with Jesus.  He repented and Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise”.  I realized that Samantha was in a better place now where she would be happy and safe.  I still missed her a lot, but yet I was reassured that I will see her again someday. As a result of that hope I was eventually able to forgive the man who ran into her car, and, with a bit of effort, I was also able to forgive myself.