I have a friend named
Suzanne whom I used to go to school with.
We were really close friends and spent lots of time together. She was somewhat of a perfectionist and she
brought a little of that out in me as well the more that we hung out. She was very passionate about everything that
she did and I admired that. She spent
endless hours studying for her classes not because she had to but because she
wanted to. She loved school, being with
her friends, and participating in any activities that she was involved in. Over time, I began to notice a change in
her. She would still study a bit for her
classes but it was with dread and she did not care like she used to if she got
a bad grade on an assignment or even a test.
This was really shocking.
Normally, I would ask her if she wanted to hang out and she would be all
for it. Now it seemed like she did not
want to be around anyone, even her best friend.
She quit all of the clubs and sports that she was involved in. This amplified my concern because she had
participated in those events for several years now and always seemed to enjoy
them. She wouldn't sit with us at lunch
anymore. She began to sit by herself and
she always looked so sad. She wouldn't even eat lunch anymore; she would just hide behind papers from various classes
pretending to study. I did not know what
was going on with her so I would go and sit by her at lunch and just talk. It seemed like she was in her own world. I would offer her something to eat and she
would tell me that she cannot. I asked
her why and she said because she does not deserve to eat. This confused and worried me.
We talked a while
longer and began to understand a little of her thought process, although all of
her reasoning put together was too complicated for even me to understand. I knew that she had always held herself to a
high standard and would not tolerate any flaws.
When she would receive criticism she would take it to heart and become
depressed for a while. I also knew that
she had been having issues with eating disorders for the past few years, but
things always seemed to work out okay and she would start to eat again. Suzanne talked to me about how she does not
understand one of her classes and is not doing as well as she should in the
others. I distinctively remember her
calling herself a “failure” and “worthless”.
She talked about how her family was going through some issues and how
one of her family members would criticize her every time that they saw each
other. She also told me that she had not
eaten for about a week and she does not want to or else she will become fat and
even more of a failure. Of course, I was
scared. Suzanne was my best friend in
the whole world and she was talking as if she were suicidal. I asked her about the cuts on her arms and
she said that her cat scratched her. “Come
on, Suzanne, you don’t even have a cat” I said.
I told the counselor and she talked to Suzanne, but to no avail.
About another week or so later, I begged her
to eat something and told her that if she kept harming herself then I would
too. She decided that she would eat
again for me but only a little. I was so
happy. I gave her an apple but she could
not eat that because it was too much for her stomach to handle. She had to start off with ice to get her body
used to eating again. While this
relieved my fears at the moment, she never completely recovered and still suffers
from anorexia today.
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